i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
