Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
