tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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