I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
