He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
