don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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