I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
