i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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