is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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