I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
