If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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