take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
