if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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