hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
