I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
