he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
