Soap is not a condiment
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
