i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The uberlube is also flammable
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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