im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
