that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
