goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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