Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
