Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
