saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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