Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
