I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
