You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
