I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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