if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hippo gnu deer
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
