I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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