You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I believe in your delicious
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
