Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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