Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
