we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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