I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
