We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
