you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
