I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
