i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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