Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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