She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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