I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
