Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
