You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
