I cut my penus on the lid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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