I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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