All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
