but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
