We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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