It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
