Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
